Informational chats before asking for a referral
How to ask for a short conversation first, so a later referral request feels natural.
Quick answer: Ask for 15 minutes, say why you chose them, make it easy to decline and thank them whatever happens.
1 min read
Asking a stranger for a referral can feel abrupt. A short informational chat, where you ask about their work and listen, gives both of you a chance to get to know each other first. It is not a trick, and it should never be a disguised request. Be honest about why you are getting in touch.
Ask for a small slice of time
- Suggest 15 minutes, by video, phone or message, whichever suits them.
- Say why you chose them, for example they work in a role you are interested in.
- Make it easy to decline. Many people are busy, and no reply is not personal.
Template
Hi [name], I'm hoping to move into [type of role] and noticed you work as [their role] at [company]. Would you be open to a 15-minute chat about what the work is like? I'd really appreciate it, and completely understand if you're too busy.
In the conversation
- Prepare three or four questions and keep to the time you asked for.
- Ask about the work, the team and what they wish they had known at the start.
- Listen more than you talk, and take notes.
If a referral comes up
If there is a role you would like, you can say so at the end and ask whether they would be comfortable referring you. If they would rather not, thank them anyway. Whatever happens, send a short thank-you message afterwards.
Put it into practice
Write your messageTry a free tool
- 20-second introduction · A short spoken intro for networking chats, with a word count and speaking time.
- Questions to ask a referrer · Pick a few good questions about the role, the process and the referral, then copy them.
Guides on this site were last updated on 17 Oct 2026. This is general information, not advice for your situation.
Unfamiliar term? See the glossary.
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